


Peace of Mind

by MrMayday



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Comfort/Angst, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Lots of drug use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Partying, Strangers to Lovers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-04-17 12:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14188638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMayday/pseuds/MrMayday
Summary: It certainly wasn't where Peridot had expected her life to take her, but that was life for you, wasn't it?There had to be a light at the end of the tunnel, but all she could see was the crushing darkness.Where the hell was her light?





	1. The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Some of this Fic is based on personal experiences and as such some characters might not be "true" to themselves, though I tried to match them up as best I could. It feels great to be able to write it out though, these thoughts weigh on me.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

_What are you waiting for?_

Her grip tightened, how could she just destroy so many precious memories? The flames licked at her outstretched hand, like a hungry puppy eagerly awaiting its next meal. Wincing, she pulled her hand back, clutching the pictures to her chest. Tears she knew she as holding back began falling, dotting the flimsy photographs, reminders of the times when there were no tears, **better times**.

_What was so fucking great about them?_

**_EVERYTHING_ **

The voices in her head argued loudly; the bottle at her feet had done nothing but exacerbate them. Absent-mindedly she kicked the glass container into the roaring fire pit before her. With intent she watched as the label was eradicated, the intense heat consuming everything. Her gaze flicked to her hand, she hadn't even realized she'd been splaying the photos before her. Contained within them were flashes of that blazing red mane, the ocean blue eyes, and that field of adorable freckles across the girl's face. She saw the smile that illuminated even the darkest corners of her mind, the person who drew her out of her darkest time: **Her**.

_Fucking bitch!_

Were these not the darkest of times though? Wasn't it that lovely creature's fault? Surely it was she that: like the Twin-Tailed Comet, heralded the End Times? The destruction she caused, her ruinous nature...

_**My love...** _

No, this woman had taught her to love. She had shown her there was hope in this world. She was flawless, breathtaking, timeless as art in a museum. Every problem that had arisen had been her own fault, all the short comings had no one to be blamed on: only herself. The light of her life had simply been driven away, but what if not forever?

Shuffling the pictures together, she hiccupped as the sobs began to truly take hold.  
"I... I-I'm just not strong enough," she muttered weakly, "I don't want to forget what she looks like, b-besides what if she decides to come..."

_**Back?** _

The word stuck in her throat like sludge. Suddenly she was gasping for air, crying uncontrollably as her body shook with: Rage? Sorrow? Regret? She knew it was all these things. In an instant she was on the ground grovelling in the dirt, asking anyone who was listening what she had ever done to deserve this. The inferno before her danced wildly as the world began to blacken, only her thoughts answering her pleas.

_You know why you deserve this, you know what you did_

**_I tried my best!_ **

_Yeah well, your best was FUCKING SHIT_

Her eyes closed, pictures tightly pressed against her bosom, and her mind faded as the vodka finally won.

\---------------

Peridot awakened to the smell of bacon, delicious delicious bacon. Mouth watering, she rose from the bed like a zombie from the grave.  
"Which would be preposterous," she mused, "A zombie would never possess the strength to dig itself out of six feet of earth."

Casting off her thin silk sheets into the massive pile of blankets next to her she couldn't help but smile to herself; she had found out rather quickly that her girlfriend could not be trusted to **not** hog all the blankets.

Though that was only during actual sleep time, there was plenty of sheet sharing otherwise.

Peridot's face flushed as she stood up to stretch, awaiting all the familiar pops and creaks of her body. Stars above! She was only 24 but to hear her body, you'd think she was a hundred years old! She looked longingly around the room, why did she feel like she never saw this place anymore? The room seemed hazy, only the large details being clear before her eyes. The clutter of dirty and clean clothes strewn about the room, the comfy old rocking-chair given to Peridot by her Grandmother; currently occupied by her 2 cats, the faux-wood desk at which so much homework had been done, the second hand dresser they never really used. It wasn't much but damn it, it was home.

The sound of movement from downstairs brought her back to her current objective: bacon. She threw on the nearest shirt, her favorite Tool shirt by chance, and pulled on her comfiest pair of underwear. Walking up to the mirror on the wall she ran a hand through her matted blonde hair, attempting to smooth it out best she could; though to be honest she was going for that "just woke up" look.

Nailed it.

She looked absolutely radiant; the bags under her vibrant green eyes which had been present for years were gone, and she felt truly happy. All 5'4" of her was positively glowing, rounded off in all the right ways, if she did say so herself. No longer did she struggle with her body, she knew exactly what she wanted to look like; no longer the skin and bones she thought she needed to be. She was even proud of her less than average breasts, who needed more than a handful anyway? Booty was where it was at regardless, and she had that on lock.

Licking her finger and giving her butt a touch with a _tisss_ she headed off down the narrow spiral staircase to the ever better smelling breakfast that awaited her. The rickety old stairs creaked and groaned as she descended, the kitchen was situated just at the base of them. An evil grin spread across her face as an idea formed in her head, she only hoped these noisy steps hadn't given her away. Slowing to a creep upon approaching, she slid up to the wall and cautiously peeked around the corner. The blonde's girlfriend was poised over the stove, cooking up some eggs by the looks of it, headphones in, completely oblivious.

Perfect.

Peridot took a moment to appreciate the gorgeous sight before her: she had a nagging feeling this too was fleeting, why was this? She brushed it off, adoring the redhead. Face reddening as she surveyed those toned legs leading up to that perfect little butt, cheeks readily visible in that skimpy black and purple thong. Even after all this time, the girl could still make Peridot flustered. Upon her shoulders rested a Slipknot shirt, belonging to Peridot, the black fabric a stark contrast to the red hair that reached all the way to the small of her back. She knew the shirt was a lie, she was probably jamming some Blink 182 in those headphones, trash, but she could look past her awful taste in music. Everything else about the girl made Peridot's heart do cartwheels. The other girl threw her arms up and swung her hips back and forth, Peridot knew it was the time to strike. Silently she approached, acquired her target and let loose with her attack. Her right hand meeting butt cheek with a resounding _SMACK!_ eliciting a shriek from the redhead, whirling around only to be caught in a kiss from the blonde.

"Peri you scared the shit out of me!" Padparadscha exclaimed with a frown, removing her headphones.

"Sorry baby, you know I just can't resist the booty," Peridot replied with a devilish grin, giving a light squeeze.

"Well I know the real reason you rolled out of bed this early, it's the bacon isn't it?"

"You know how I feel about bacon," the blonde girl snatched a piece off the plate and wagged it at her accusingly, "Very serious business."

The other girl brushed her hair out of her eyes, the crystal blue orbs demanding all of Peridot's attention. "Forgive me O Lord of Bacon, should such a lowly slave as me offend your delicate senses."

Holding the plate aloft, Peridot proclaimed her eternal reign over the Kingdoms of Baconia, which was received with light clapping and laughter. Peridot loved the sound of that laugh, she was always grateful her girlfriend shared a sense of humor with her. Plate still held high, the blonde sauntered into the living room and over to the best couch their cats had ever used as a scratching post, the red leather encasing the arms shredded and torn like it had been hit with a chainsaw. Peridot simply smirked at this, the material was far too gone to be fixed now, but the couch was still comfortable and that was all that really mattered to her. Plopping onto the cushion, she looked out the big front window, overlooking the parking lot of the apartment complex jam packed full of cars; it was the weekend after-all. The clouds outside were dark and heavy with the rain that was flowing from them; both Peridot and Padparadscha were Tucson natives and rain was a special thing for them. Looking back, the rainy days they had spent together had been some of the best of Peridot's life.

Feeling the weight of her girlfriend sitting next to her, Peridot threw an arm around her and delicately fed a piece of her precious bacon to the woman she loved, an ear to ear grin breaking out across her face.

Rainy days were special, and she knew today would be no different.


	2. In Order to Survive You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories, oh the memories.
> 
> They never really fade, do they?

Peridot sat at the edge of the smoldering pit, arms wrapped around her legs clutching her knees to her chest. The fire had died hours ago, and she shivered against the icy wind; cursing herself for not wearing a jacket. Presently, she brought the pictures she still clutched into view; had last night really been so bad? Had she really crawled back down that hole again?

_Of course you did, you're fucking pathetic_

Truth be told, the thoughts, the memories, were never far from her mind. Stalking her like a cat, always just out of view, but perfectly poised to strike at the slightest mistake. To instantly bring all the pain that she felt crashing down upon her.

The cat creeps low, waiting with bated breath.

**_I missed her..._ **

The claws strike true, rending old wounds anew.

The blonde woman sighed, tears streamed down her face. Blinking them away, she wished the Vodka did what it was supposed to do, make her forget. Who was she kidding though, how could she forget any of it? At least it didn't leave her hungover anymore, endless nights of drinking had cured her of that long ago. Rising to one knee, she squinted around her hazy surroundings for any personal items, counting herself fortunate that her glasses were not around: alcohol and glasses usually never mixed well together. Satisfied that she left nothing, she rose and brushed herself off. A night of sleeping in the dirt had left a fine layer of dust upon her, and a trail of mud caked from her mouth where drool had surely leaked; always a pleasant way to start the day.

Turning on her heels, Peridot strode across her yard back to the domicile she now called home, eyes focused only on the ground before her. The dirt turned to grass: yellow, dead, and crunching underfoot. Another indicator Winter was upon them. Her gaze lifted when she reached the small concrete porch, passing in-between the pillars with hardly a thought, knowing the distance between them well: the rough block of which they were constructed were the cause of more than one scratch upon her shoulders, as well as countless torn shirts.

She paused briefly at the backdoor; the dark blue door with its nine window panes stood in defiance of the pale white of the house itself, the back wall windowless as it was. Before reaching her hand out, she secretly wished that Drunken Peridot hadn't done anything stupid, locking herself out was probably her favorite prank. She swore she didn't even know that girl sometimes. Her fingers gripped the handle, pressing her thumb upon the lever: moment of truth. The door swung open with ease, at least something was going well, and she crossed the threshold into the warmth of her home.

The door slammed shut behind her, probably the worst quality of her tiny house. The backdoor lead immediately into her painfully small kitchen: long ago gutted by her father and never truly finished, which went straight into the front room, almost directly opposite the front door. This lead to a strange pressure in the house, often causing the doors to slam or be pulled open by the same act on the other if not shut properly. To her right the dishwasher stood with door slightly ajar, it was little more than a drying rack at this point, her house was too old to support the level of electricity the machine required. Another project her dad never got around to. Pulling the door down, she slid the top rack out and grabbed a glass, closing it with a gentle nudge from her hip. Filling her cup from the tap, the water filtration device that screwed on the faucet was a blessing; Peridot absolutely hated waiting to fill those damn pitchers up, she greedily slurped down like cool liquid, knowing that soon her now throbbing head would be set upon the path to calm.

Setting the now empty cup in the sink, Peridot proceeded past the front room to her bedroom. The door to the hallway was, from the backdoor, immediately to the right of where the kitchen met the front room, separated by a short stretch of wall; effectively making a u-turn out of the journey. The changes her dad had made to the layout of the house had completely ruined the Feng Shui of the building, but Peridot knew too little of construction to rectify the damage herself. She stopped in front of the door leading to her bedroom, it was closed, the last bastion against the horror she knew lurked within. Her breath shortened, heart quickened. Hands shaking, she prepared herself for what she knew she wasn't ready for.

Not even a little bit.

Gripping the knob, she swung the door open with a creak, the hinges showing their age, grimacing at the sight before her. Atop her silken sheets sat a shoe box. Painted black as the night sky; the top, struck crimson in warning, the words **DO NOT OPEN** stood out as mountains against the sunset, was carelessly cast on the floor. Slowly approaching the bed, Peridot's chest felt the weight of a million bricks crashing against it, the handwritten letters strewn about the bed, the confessions of love written within them; serving only to remind her of what she had lost.

"WHY DO I EVEN KEEP THESE?" Peridot screamed, tears welling up in her eyes, "ALL THEY DO IS MAKE ME SAD!"

**_But she'll be so happy to see you kept all these mementos when she returns_ **

She bowed her head in defeat, sobs coming in choked hiccups. Obediently she began collecting the papers, delicately folding them as she had so many times before, daring her eyes not to look upon the sweet nothings contained within. A few minutes later only one sheet remained, reaching for it, she noticed a glint of silver among her sheets.

_Oh no_

Her hand trembled as she reached for the object, knowing fully well what it was.

_NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO_

Her mind raced, fully blown into a panic as she held the ring up, the sliver band shined brightly in the dim light of the morning sun. The orange sapphire contained within it sparkled brilliantly as ever: the jeweler had told Peridot the gem had a flaw in it, that she should get one of a more perfect quality for a ring such as this. To her it was perfect, just like the woman she bought it for, flaws and all. The dam for these memories broke, flooding her mind with everything she wished she could forget, filling her with grief. The blonde curled up in her bed, sorrow overcoming her, crying as hard as she had the day her lover had left. Hardly able to breathe as guilt wracked her body, shaking like she was trapped in a freezer. The small girl stayed like that for sometime, bawling till she had no tears left to shed, till her muscles were sore from tension, her hand cramping from the death grip she held the ring in.

Regaining her composure, she sat up and dropped the ring in the box. Her eyes lingering, remembering the promises it held. Tenderly, Peridot cradled the box in her arms: a precious thing indeed. Taking the lid from the floor she placed it atop the container, sealing the contents away. Approaching the closet, she kneeled before it, seeing the secret compartment in the floor absent its lid; almost amazed she could remember the code in her drunken state. Placing the box inside, she wished it were this easy for her memories to be stored away. She put the lid on the recess, spinning the tumbler with a flick of the wrist.

"Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I let you go?"

But she had no answers.

Peridot groaned, wiping the tears from her eyes; attempting to put the thoughts of the night before far from her mind. She stood, a pain in her abdomen bringing her thoughts to the current day; she could escape the call of nature no longer. To her bladder's relief, the bathroom was just across the hall. After relieving herself, Peridot stood before the mirror of her medicine cabinet, gazing through the faded glass, a reminder of her father's love for the antique: the mesquite wood surrounding it a tribute to his skill with woodworking. The mementos brought no smile to her face today though, not that they normally did, the blonde instead stared at her own reflection. She turned on the sink and splashed water onto her face, clearing it of the dirt and dust that settled there.

Her face was not the one of her dreams. Hers was now one of many years of grief. Her blonde hair, as matted as ever, stuck out in many directions, the blonde color itself darkening with time. Her pale skin a reminder she spent too much time indoors. Her faced lined with years of worry, the bags, hell the luggage, under her eyes deeper than ever. The small scars across her face a testament to her failing mental health, the ticks she wished weren't so apparent. The only thing not to have suffered from the times were her eyes, the verdant green still piercing as ever. But the gaze behind those eyes was dead, long since absent the happiness her lover had brought to her.

The blonde opened the medicine cabinet, she reached in and grabbed one of the plain bottles, stripped of label. She shook three pills out into her hand, Percocet, she was pretty sure. Regardless, any of the medicine contained within would accomplish the goal she needed it to. Throwing the pills in her mouth she cupped her hands beneath the sink and drank the pills down. Peridot was scared of pills, too easy to overdose on, but in times of crisis she knew the calming effect they had.

Returning to her room she set to changing out of her dirty clothes. Opting for her favored garb of a black band tee, and her black Dickies, quite the tomboy-ish look, but it was what Peridot preferred. She snagged her glasses from the top of her dresser, she'd need them for adventures. Finding her phone plugged in next to her bed she breathed relief, at least she had done that last night. The other one lay next to it, unplugged, hardly ever needing a charge, well at least this one. She checked it first, she had set it to tell everyone she was busy: good, she needed the day off.

"Y'all can go fuck yourselves today, I need my real homies."

Peridot scrolled through her contacts, knowing exactly who would alleviate her shitty mood today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a Tumblr, feel free to ask any questions there
> 
> Also thanks for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> <https://maydaysmadness.tumblr.com/>


	3. I Must First Survive Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, writer's block hit me hard.

Typing on her phone, she knew it was probably to early for the other girl to be awake. Peridot knew how much she liked her sleep. Though to be honest, she herself was only awake at this hour because of extenuating circumstances. She was just as much of a night owl as her friend, much to her own benefit, she needed a partner in crime for her shenanigans. After pressing send on the message the blonde shoved the phone in her pocket.

Peridot pushed herself up from the edge of her bed, her mood finally beginning to lift. The pills finally working through her system. She breathed a sigh of relief. Now she'd be able to shove all that shit to the back of her mind and focus on more pressing matters. She walked over to the dresser next to her bed with its giant mirror, her image looking about as high as she felt.

She loved the dark oak it was made from: hell she had even stained the wood-plated walls of her room the same shade. Her high made her take a step back and really admire her handiwork, most of the blonde's house was accented with wood: the walls, the trim, the doors, and even their frames. She had spent the better part of a week after moving in to get it all stained just right: and she had done a damn fine job, if she did say so herself.

She felt content, maybe a little too content. Maybe taking 3 pills after eating a whole hearty breakfast of nothing wasn't the best idea.

"Pshhh, I'm fiiiiinee," she announced, waving her hand dismissively at her reflection.

Sliding the top drawer of the dresser open, she reached up underneath the drawer, her hand instantly finding the recess carved there. She plucked the key from it and withdrew her hand, pushing it closed. Key in hand, she exited her room for the door at the end of the hall, right to the left of the bathroom. She slipped the key into the lock, twisting it and opening the door in one fluid motion.

This particular room was small, and had barely any contents within it: just simple desk with a folding chair placed at it, a metal lock-box, and a very old filing cabinet. Peridot flicked the switch on, illuminating the otherwise dark room, the heavy curtains made sure the one window let nothing in, or out. The air felt heavy, the ceiling fan long removed in favor of just a bare bulb. She strode across the room, placing the key atop the desk, before stopping in front of the chest. Her fingers entered the code into the keypad on the front which was greeted by a familiar _click!_ as the box unlocked.

She threw the lid open and removed the backpack that lay on top of the contents, a tribute to the glory days of high school. The tattered and frayed old thing had been in her possession well over ten years; and though it threatened to fall apart many times, Peridot refused to let it die. She had sewn the thing back together more times than she could count. She had learned the art through the many patches that were sewn onto the back of the thing: sometimes she still shuddered at her taste in music back in the day. Though without most of those terrible bands, she wouldn't have the appreciation she did today, she placed the item on the desk and went back to rummaging through the box.

Countless bags, well not countless: Peridot knew exactly how many, and the exact weights of all them: littered the inside of the lock-box. The ridiculous names of the strands were written on the sides of them, the blonde rolled her eyes at most of them, fuckin' people sure could be extra yeah? She rifled through the bags before she came up the one she wanted: Alien OG. This particular bag of weed was a Sativa dominant hybrid, which meant it wouldn't put her ass to bed, but it would still have some of the mellowing effects of the Indica, she figured she was probably gonna need that later today. She placed the vacuum sealed bag on the desk, before going back to retrieve a mason jar and the vacuum sealer itself.

Sitting at the desk, Peridot arranged the items before her as she had a thousand times before: sealer on the left,bag in the middle, jar far off to the right. Wouldn't want any cross contamination for here. Sliding open the drawer on the desk, she drew out two scales; one being quite large and the other not so much. The smaller of the two was wrapped in a plastic bag, she didn't want any of the precious white powder on it going everywhere. From her pocket she withdrew a knife and with practiced hands, deftly sliced the top off the bag marked Alien. Flipping the knife shut, she hit the power switch on the larger scale and watched as it calibrated itself to zero. Then, carefully, she sifted through the bag of dank, choosing only the most immaculate nugs for the day. Short stems, long orange hairs, and dusted with those sweet white crystals like morning dew on a lawn. She did this until the scale read 28 grams, she figured an ounce should be plenty for the amount of people she expected to encounter on her adventure today. Taking a black sharpie out of the drawer, Peridot noted the new weight of the bag on this side of it, crossing out the previous, and quickly set to resealing it. She placed the large scale back into the drawer, along with the pen, and shoved the knife back in her pocket as she stood up, taking the weed and the sealer back to the chest.

Sitting back at the desk, she zeroed in the smaller scale as she reached for the deep azure mason jar. Undoing the latch Peridot peered inside, the container filled almost to the brim with small bags of her favorite white powder. Shaking the jar, the blonde searched for the perfect specimen; the most preserved rock of the bunch. Her eyes finally finding their mark, she plucked the bag from the pile an set it in the scale. 3.63 grams, taking into account the bag itself she had a perfect 8-ball, just what she'd need for the day. Setting the bag of white next to the bag of green, she set the small scale away and placed the mason jar back in the chest, closing up shop for the time. She opened the backpack and threw the bags inside of the mesh liner, making sure they wouldn't be shoved around while being transported. She didn't need any unexpected breakage here.

As she replaced the key into its secret groove, Peridot felt her phone buzz with life.

Amethyst: Dude, isn't it like, too early to exist?

Peridot: Technically, yes. But extenuating circumstances have arisen.

Ame: Ugh, her again?

Peri: Sadly, you busy today?

Ame: Girl you know I've always got time for you.

Peri: I already got the sugar for your coffee, we drinkin' or what?

Ame: WE LIT.

Peri: Be there soon then.

The blonde smiled as she shoved her phone back in her pocket, life may be shitty but at least her friends weren't. Picking her glasses off the dresser and slinging the back pack over her shoulder, she made her way to the front door, grabbing her keys off the hook that hung next to it. Stepping outside she braced herself against the cold, only now realizing that she had left her jacket inside of her truck. Groaning, she locked her house and made her way to her favorite vehicle in the world.

The sea green truck was the product of many hours of hard labor in high school, and though she loathed the work, the result had been worth it all. The horrible paint job had been done by her and her friends in high school, the tan it was before was not acceptable. The Mega-Thunder XLS Wombat, a champion of the off road; it's 4x4 matched only by the limits of imagination, was everything to Peridot. Every scratch and dent a memory, every modification a reminder of the fun she had learning about the inner workings of vehicles. She had wished the cab had been been able to seat more than two people, she never was much of a fan of people riding in the back of her truck, but she got over it at some point.

Hopping into the truck, she set the backpack on the seat beside her and immediately threw her jacket on. The rugged interior was clean enough but clearly showed signs of heavy use, the bench seat stained with drinks through the years, and holes burned through from the errant dropped joint. She put the key in the ignition and listened as the engine roared to life, contentedly purring beneath the hood. The truck had never missed a single scheduled maintenance.  
  
Drawing her phone from her pocket, Peridot waited until it synced with the Bluetooth of her radio, knowing just the song she wanted to hear. The blonde had always had trouble expressing her emotions, but she found it to be so simple through music. Anger, sadness, joy, all bled through her soul into the music she listened to. Thumbing through her library she finally clicked on the one she wanted. Depressing the clutch and throwing the gear into reverse, she began her journey to a better day.

 


	4. Remember I Will Always Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endorphins away!
> 
> Songs:  
> In the car  
> [Pushit-Tool](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UokTE-njLRA)  
> Flashback  
> [(sic)-Slipknot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3I3-KTJbtY)

The erie symphony strings give way to an all to familiar bass line.

_"I saw the gap again today_  
_While you were begging me to stay_  
_Take care not to make me enter_  
_If I do we both may disappear"_

Peridot's true feelings were always released through her music; the cacophony of rage and metal, pleasant strumming of happiness, high energy of trap, the mind shattering ego trip of rap. She had always struggled with the expressing of her emotions. As a child she had been a musical slave to her parents: her father loved country and her mother hip-hop, though neither had truly struck a chord with her, she went along with the blind naive nature of children.

_"You know that I will choke until I swallow_  
_Choke this infant here before me_  
_What is this but my reflection?_  
_Who am I to judge or strike you down?"_

Middle School, well 7th grade to get technical, would change all that.

A long haired boy sat in front of Peridot, dressed in all black with hair draping to the middle of his back. Rocking his head back and forth to a rhythm she couldn't hear, he posed his fingers on his outstretched hand awkwardly, seeming to be grasping something. Curious, she tapped him on the shoulder. Turning around and removing a headphone from his ear he looked at Peridot inquisitively.

"Sorry I-I didn't realize you were listening to anything," she stammered. First impression: perfect.

He chuckled,"Don't sweat it, what's up?"

"Well I was just wondering, what is that you're doing with your hands?" She pantomimed badly, mirroring his moves.

The boy looked puzzled. "You mean air guitar? You've never seen that before?"

Peridot shook her head.

"Bro! You've never heard totally slamming riffs then," he removed his headphones and took the CD-Player out of his backpack. "Here, let me blow your mind dude."

She accepted the gift and placed the 'phones over her ears and pressed play. Instantly she was assaulted with the din of chugging guitars and booming of the double bass; set to a tempo that would make any country song look like it was standing still. Every hair on her body stood on end as the very essence of her being absorbed the sound being pumped through it. She lifted her left hand and pretended to understand how a guitar worked, strumming away with her other, head bobbing of its own volition.

The boy threw her the devil horns, which she returned. The gesture seemed so, natural?

From that day, Peridot was no longer a slave.

_"You still love me_  
_You still love me, but you didn't need to shit on me"_

That wasn't all she had learned that year. She also learned she had a thing for redheads, and girls.

**_Even back then, she was so beautiful..._ **

_"I'm slipping back into the gap again_  
_I'm alive when you're touching me_  
_Alive when you're shoving me down"_

Peridot's hands tightened on the steering wheel, thinking back on the talks of fate the two of them shared. Of star crossed lovers across time, meeting so young, sharing the same feelings yet unable to be expressed. How time would bring them back together: the inevitability of it all.

The blonde shook her head, singing along, "But I'd trade it all for just a little peace of miiinnd!"

The song grew heavier, she knew the time was past. That girl was not all the things she romanticized, she could never forget the pain of her betrayals. The manipulation of her excuses, the abuse her psyche suffered. She would not forget, she could not forgive.

_"Managed to push myself away_  
_And you, as well, my dear"_

"THERE'S NO LOVE IN FEAR!" She screamed as the ending swelled.

Her thoughts became focused on a single point, the truth outing itself.

_"Staring down the hole again_  
_Hands are on my back again_  
_Survival is my only friend_  
_And I'm terrified of what may come_

_Remember I will always love you_  
_As I claw your fucking throat away_  
_It will end no other way_  
_It will end no other way!"_

Panting, she bellowed out the last words; shaking, goosebumps encompassing her body. Her mind a battlefield in which both sides were evenly matched. Neither giving nor gaining ground. Deep in her soul she knew how toxic the whole situation was for her; but also that she could never let the love she had go. It wasn't always bad, but when it was, it was the worst. Letting go of those fond memories proved to be the most difficult, always shining through in her mind.

Accepting you had a problem was the first step though, right? Oh who was she kidding, how many times had she acknowledged this? Still, it made her feel at ease as she pulled into an all too familiar parking lot, her favorite place to get just what she needed to drown her sorrows. Yellowtail's, the sign out front read, the blonde stashed her backpack under the seat and exited her truck, approaching the doors to the glorious sight of shelves filled with alcohol of every kind. Arguably the cheapest place in town, Peridot held a special place in her heart for the woman who owned the store. She also knew loss.

Vidalia, the middle aged party-girl-turned-housewife, was just her kind of sarcastic. The wrinkles on her face showed more of the struggles of her life than her actual age. The same could not be said of her faded blonde hair, which Peridot swore she purposefully styled like an onion. She was a curious one indeed.

"Hey hey there short stuff! Woah, you look like you just got drug 5 miles behind a horse!" The older woman remarked with a smirk.

"Wow, thanks!" Layered with as much fake enthusiasm as she could muster, "Nice to see you too V."

"Easy there princess, just yanking your chain. Kids still say that these days right?"

"First off I hardly qualify as a kid. Secondly, no."

"Well, us cool kids do," Vidalia said with a wink. Peridot groaned. "What can I getcha today?"

"I need the biggest bottle of my usual, and the same size of The Captain."

Turning around to grab the items, the store owner spoke at length, "I swear if Amethyst starts doing her pirate bit again you absolutely must record it, I'm dying to see it first hand with the tales you regale to me."

Peridot nodded in agreement, "If my level of inebriation allows my memory to remember my phone, you shall have what is requested. No promises though."

"Eh, fair enough."

She paid and thanked Vidalia, hopping back in her truck, once again on her way to the promised land.

15 minutes later she pulled into her friend's driveway, right behind her beat up old blue Toyota. Peridot always wished she'd take better care of the thing, but at least Ame and her to do the maintenance it needed. Placing the bottles into her backpack, she slung it over her shoulder as she exited her vehicle. She approached the simple red brick house, taking note of the unkempt yard. She thought of her own yard, they didn't exactly have a lot of time for them this time of year, Winter was the busy season after all.

Bursting through the front door, she knew it'd be unlocked, the blonde announced herself.

"BITCH, I have arrived!" She shouted

"Then get ya short ass in here already. Lock the door too hoe." Came the flat response.

Peridot did as instructed, and made her way into the living room, directly to the left of the short hallway from the entrance. Amethyst's house wasn't dirty, per se, but she sure had a lot of clutter around the place. Papers, boxes full of things she might use. It was charming in its own right though. She rounded the corner and came upon the other girl holding her nose, eyes visibly watering.

"Starting without me eh? For shame," the blonde girl scolded, crossing her arms.

"Relax Peri, I didn't forget you," motioning to the metallic plate before her, a solid white line ran down its center, "I just wanted to try this new stuff I got and-"

"Going behind my back eh?" Peridot cut her off with a raise of her eyebrow, summoning her best impersonation of The Rock.

"No no, some dude gave me some free shit trying to get wit ya girl. But I tell ya after that, he ain't gonna be getting even a text back."

"That bad huh?"

"Find out for yourself."

Peridot hopped over the purple couch before her, she was always jealous of the huge L shaped piece of furniture. The comfort levels were unreal. She carefully placed her backpack on the floor as she sat down and picked up the plate before her. She inspected the white powder, Amethyst was always doing huge rails and she figured that was the cause of her pain. But once she picked up the razor blade and sifted the Coke around she instantly knew the real reason.

"Dude this is all cut to shit."

"Yeah, I mean I could tell but I figured maybe it was because it was just so good they had to."

Peridot shrugged, this could be a possibility she guessed, plus hey, free drugs. She placed the razor down and picked up the straw, she put the plate up to her face and the straw in her nose and rode the rail straight to the station.

Regret flooded her face, it was like snorting sandpaper.

"Augh! What the actual fuck?! That boy outta have his ass kicked for distributing such shit." The blonde said through her hand, clutching her nose as well.

"Yeah, that was all he gave me otherwise I'd have just chucked the rest of it."

The blonde wiped the tears from her eyes, she didn't have feeling of euphoria she expected either. The fuck was wrong with people? She reached down and unzipped her backpack, placing first the bottles on the table, followed by the two baggies. Amethyst's face lit up.

"AW SHIT, Mama P comin' through with the good shit!"

Peridot's face wrinkled up, "Ew, don't call me Mama P, that's definitely a Pearl nickname." She had the most mother-like nature of the group.

Amethyst leaned back and put her hands behind her head, "Yeah that's for fucking sure. Speaking of, she hit me up earlier wondering what I was doing today. Am I busy or you up for some more company?"

Amethyst knew how Peridot got when she had an episode, regardless of the source, she usually disliked hanging out with anyone but her. She was pretty antisocial as it was, but times like this it only worsened.

The blonde pondered, "Ya know, give me a little bit, I'll see how I'm feeling." Amethyst nodded and pulled out her phone.

Peridot put the plate in her lap, grabbing the bag of cocaine off the table and slicing it open, dumping its contents onto it. The act of chopping it up always put her in a zen-like state, she often compared it to someone tending a Japanese Rock Garden. She let her thoughts drift to how lucky she was to have met a friend like Amethyst, always considerate of her feelings more than almost anyone else in her life. Peridot had often contemplated that she might be slightly autistic, and she thought that some part of Amethyst knew this, though they had never spoken about it directly.

It might just be their level of understanding each other after so many years, 20 was plenty of time to get to know a person. She had had the good fortune of meeting her in Kindergarten, her first friend ever. They bonded over their tomboyish nature and their love of Digimon, soon discovering the lived but a street apart from each other, thus cementing their desire to hang out with each other for all eternity.

"Ay-yo P-dot! Earth to nerd!" Amethyst snapped her fingers in front of her face. Apparently the Zen was strong in this one. Peridot looked up and admired her friend for a minute. She was about the same height as Peridot, though she was (as the kids would say Vidalia) much more THICC than the blonde. She had the kind of breasts that could get any boy to do just about anything she wanted, which she took full advantage of. The vibrant purple mane of hair that came off her head complimented her Latino skin color, she wasn't especially dark but you wouldn't confuse her for a white lady. Her dark brown eyes were the only other feature that stood out on her face outside of her incredibly infectious smile that Peridot swore took up half her face.

"Girl you keep looking at me with them bedroom eyes and we might have to take this to the next level," she teased.

Peridot's face flushed with color, "Oh hush up, I can't help it if you look gorgeous, besides, what would Pearl think of that?"

Now it was Amethyst's turn to blush, "Shut it, ain't like we're even together, plus I think I've been 'friend-zoned'."

"With as much as she texts you? Hardly."

"All we do is bullshit and share memes."

"Holy shit y'all practically married! Besides, bullshitting is totally a very technical form of flirting."

Ame turned her head away, face like a cherry, "You almost done with that or what?"

"Ask and ye shall receive, you clod!" Presenting the plate to her friend, "This train is leaving the station, you gettin' on or you gonna be a bitch?"

"Dude you tryna kill us?" She stared at the massive lines, "I know killing yourself is all the rage these days but dayum."

"Ah I see, the infamous Purple Puma chooses the path of the little bitch today. Nyehehehe," the blonde snickered, her nasally voice truly came through when she laughed.

"The Purple Puma never backs down from a challenge!" The Latina exclaimed, puffing out her chest. "Let the battle commence!"

"The Green Machine accepts your challenge, but let it be known, failure is not an option." With that Peridot picked up the straw and swiftly ran it across the plate, snorting up pure happiness like the expert she was. The feeling was immediate, crashing upon her like waves on the shore. She let out a battle cry and handed the plate to her contender. She followed suit, issuing her own cry.

"Hot damn Peri, how do you always have the best shit?"

"You question me? The Great and Lovable Peridot?"

Amethyst rolled her eyes, "Ooookay Miss Ego. Double-taps your Lordship?"

"Proceed slave."

The two girls shared a laugh as Amethyst got to work. Peridot knew she could count on her friend, the terrors of the night before were already like a distant memory.

"Round 2, Fight!" The purple haired girl said, handing the plate to the blonde after taking hers.

It contained 3 lines. "Triple taps eh?"

"What's wrong Peri, feelin' a little bitch comin' through?"

"Fuck that! I'll show you who's a little bitch!" She proceeded to do both her lines, one after the other. She was feeling it now.

"Damn girl!" Amethyst remarked, "You beat me to that punch, but this battle ain't over."

Taking hers, she set the plate upon the table, letting the high sink in for a moment. The looks upon their faces told each other they were definitely gonna be on one today.

"Ame, call up your girlfriend, tell her to get her skinny ass over here."

Amethyst's face lit up, "Aw yeah Peri, gonna get this party really started!" She pulled out her phone and began to text, "You better now mention shit to Pearl though, I'll get there when I'm good and ready."

"Who, me?" A devilish grin spread across her face, "I wouldn't dream about it love."

Amethyst glared at her but she knew better, homies wouldn't do that to each other.

The kitchen was just opposite the living room, Peridot got up to get some glasses, turns out it wasn't a straight out of the bottle kind of a day.

"Yo you should go get your bong, clean that shit out and out some ice in it, show off for your Pearlie!"

"Not a bad idea shorty!" Amethyst rounded through the kitchen and disappeared into the back of the house.

It was time to really get down to it. Peridot smiled from ear to ear.

_**Fuck that bitch, she's old news** _


	5. Livin' in Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot off the fucking presses.
> 
> I'm gonna try to update more regularly.
> 
> TRY SO FUCKING HARD

The pair raised their glasses, clinking them together as the time honored tradition went.

"DEUS VULT!" They shouted in unison, draining their cups.

Peridot's face screwed up, she never was one for the taste of alcohol, but boy she sure did like its effects. Vodka was the only thing she could tolerate, and apple flavored at that. A benefit of being a girl, no one got on her case about only being able to handle girly drinks.

Amethyst cleared her throat, "So, you uh, wanna talk about last night at all Per?"

Well, it's not like she didn't expect this, Amethyst was her best friend after all. She set her cup down and poured another shot, a double in fact.

"Not much to tell honestly, just the usual garbage." She downed the alcohol.

"Girl you need to get that bitch outta your head."

It was no secret that Amethyst hated Padparadscha, you would too if someone treated your best friend like she did. From the very start, the purple haired girl had been wary of how much she had tried to change the blonde. Rule after rule were laid upon her as stones in a wall, she never was quite sure why Peridot had agreed to them.

Peridot sighed, "I know, I try really hard to but it's hard to forget all the good times."

"Per that girl was awful to you! How can you not remember that? How is that not the first thing that comes to your head when you think of her?"

"You weren't there for the good times, she wasn't-"

"That's cuz she hid you away from the world!" Amethyst blurted out, "She wouldn't let anyone in your life but had no issue running out on yours whenever she felt the need."

The blonde bowed her head, the other girl was right. Why couldn't she just remember all the pain her ex had caused her? Why did she have to remember the good times too?

"I promise I'm trying dude," Peridot began, "We were together for so long though ya know? Yeah she definitely had plenty of shitty moments, but I had some of the best times of my life with that girl. I just got so used to blocking out all the times she had wronged me I guess it's just ingrained in my system now. I didn't want to see her as evil, I suppose a part of me still doesn't."

Tears began to well up in her eyes. Amethyst stood up and sat next to her down-trodden friend, placing an arm around her shoulders.

"Don't sweat it dude,one day you'll forget all about her. And until that day comes," she squeezed the short girl lightly, "I'll be here whenever you need me. I'll help you forget."

"Thanks Ame," the blonde returned the embrace with one arm and poured two shots with the other. "Fuck that bitch," she said and raised her cup.

Amethyst smiled, raising hers, "Yeah, fuck her."

It wasn't that easy, they both knew that, but every time they had this conversation Peridot felt like she came one step closer to where she needed to be.

Amethyst waved her hand and stood up, "Enough of that, now onto the most pressing business: me!" Peridot rolled her eyes. "You think I should change my clothes? Or go for that relaxed 'I don't care' look?" The blonde took a moment to observe her outfit: her typical black yoga pants, hugging all her curves in ALL the right ways, and a loose fitting tank-top that read **BITCH** across the front in bold faced font.

"I'd change the shirt if I were you, you know how Pearl is with such blatant crassness," Peridot gestured at her shirt, "I doubt she'd find that as funny as you or I do."

Amethyst splayed her shirt out, "Yeah you're probably right," a sultry smile spread across her face, "I think I know just the thing to replace it though."

She hustled out of the living room leaving Peridot alone. The blonde woman sighed, she couldn't help but be frustrated with herself. They'd had this conversation a million times, yet Peridot still found her inability to recall what being with her ex was really like exhausting. The part of her that still loved that woman always seemed to prevail in the battle of memory.

That was one thing she knew she could always count on Amethyst for, her demonization of that redheaded Devil. Though it didn't necessarily help in the long run, it certainly helped her push past in the present.

One day she'd work her inner demons out. But today was not that day. Today was a day of blissful numbness.

And drugs.

_Especially drugs._

Peridot sat forward and prepared just that very thing. A bowl of the finest greens, a shot of sweet vodka, and a wondrous line of cocaine.

She knew this would get her brain back into party mode, picking up the glass piece, she fished a lighter out of the couch (there was always one in there). In and out, her breathes were steady and measured. Placing the piece to her lips she began to inhale whilst flicking the lighter to life and igniting the bowl. The blonde listened to the fainting bubbling coming from the chamber, easily one of her favorite sounds in the world, filling it with that sickly sweet, milky white smoke. As she pulled the bowl from the slide she listened to the crescendo of the water, sucking down that smoke like her life depended on it. Setting the bong back down she inhaled sharply, the last bit of oxygen she'd get for a minute.

She took the shot glass in hand, downing it in one motion. The burn in her lungs matched the burn in her throat and, oh baby, did it feel so good. Lastly she replaced the glass and grabbed the plate, she couldn't leave her nose out of all the fun now could she? Peridot's mind rang with euphoria as that white line disappeared up her nostril, her eyes watering with content.

Or maybe it was the lack of fresh air being replaced with smoke in her lungs.

Eh, either way.

Laying back against the couch she blew out the cloud she'd been hiding in her chest. Her vision blurred a bit, she was feelin' something now.

Amethyst came strutting back into the room, for a girl who gave half a damn about how she looked she really was a fast changer. She did know what she liked though, Peridot gave her credit for that.

"Well how's this?"

The purple-haired woman had simply donned a new tank top, though it was certainly more, eye-grabbing. The pale purple shirt with a white outline of a star emblazoned on it was of a spaghetti-strap nature and the bra she chose to accentuate it really pushed the goods front and center. A necklace of her namesake hung directly at the start of her cleavage.

A bold tactic indeed.

"Well if you're going for subtlety, you fuckin' misseed it by this mush," Peridot spread her arms out as far as they could go. "But I believe Pearl will be impresshed."

"Damn Peri, you're getting ahead of me!" Amethyst picked up the bottle of rum, "Can't let you have all the fun."

Throwing the bottle back she chugged for a solid 5 seconds, light years ahead of anything Peridot could ever accomplish.

"WOAH MAMA, now that's the ticket!" She sat next to Peridot, "Now I just have to wait until Pearl gets here to get really faded."

A faint rapping at the door could be heard, everything she did was always so dainty.

"Speak of the Devil and she shall appear," Peridot said, shooting Amethyst finger-guns, "Go get her tiger."

"Puma," Amethyst corrected.

"Though that is not the actual phrase, the court has decided to allow it."

Amethyst ruffled her friend's hair and clambered over the couch. Peridot grabbed the vodka and took a swig, straight out of the bottle, she'd need it for Pearl. It wasn't that they hated each other, far from it, they just had a weird power struggle between themselves. Constantly trying to one up each other, Peridot tried her best not engage but more often than not she found herself drawn in whether she wanted to be.

"Amethyst!" The woman's shrill voice rang out, no doubt being surprised with one of the Puma's signature bear hugs. The blonde quickly scrambled to the shorter side of the L-shaped couch, how devious she was, forcing the two of them to sit together.

Peridot, Master Matchmaker. She smiled to herself as she settled down with the silver plate in hand. She busied herself with cutting lines, she was notoriously awkward when it came to greetings and goodbyes, this way she wouldn't even have to stand up.

"... and they didn't even leave a 5% tip! I swear the nerve of some people, they ran me ragged!" The woman said to Amethyst. Peridot always felt the truly diminutive nature of of her stature around Pearl, the woman was comprised of 60% leg, tall, and slender but not in an unhealthy way. The short girl often forgot she wasn't a dancer with how well toned she was. She wore dull yellow Capri pants and a very form fitting cyan polo shirt. She wasn't nearly as "gifted" as Amethyst but was quite perky where she needed to be. Her strawberry blonde hair was slicked back into almost a point, Peridot always thought this was a rather comedic choice as Pearl had quite a strong nose that sharply jutted out from her face. The rest of her features were rather soft, especially her light blue eyes. Almost the color of the sky with sparse cloud cover.

Amethyst bounded over the couch, patting the cushion next to her. Pearl waltzed around the couch, she did everything with such and air of grace, it was a little unsettling, Peridot wondered if she came from a rich background.

"Oh hello Peridot," Pearl said with a small wave of her hand as she sat down.

"Wazzuuppp?!" Peridot replied, tongue out. Notoriety retained. "Customers still being assholes?"

"It's a constant. I wish I could get these people on the other side, see how frustrating it is being a server. I understand people are picky about their food, but if you're that fussy just eat at home!"

Both of the shorter women nodded their heads in agreement, neither of them was cut out for that kind of customer service. Peridot snorted her line and offered the plate to Pearl.

"Sounds like you need to turn your bad thoughts into good thoughts."

"It couldn't hurt," she accepted the plate. Pearl had an odd way of doing coke. She would take about a quarter of the line she was given, take a breath, and repeat until it was gone. She insisted it got her higher and Peridot couldn't argue with her preference, even though it drove her slightly crazy. Amethyst finished hers and handed the plate back to Peridot, who immediately started on round two.

Pearl vented about customers while they passed drinks and drugs, Peridot mostly tuned out figuring this was a moment better suited for Amethyst to show her listening abilities. Slowly but surely as the intoxication levels rose, the conversation turned to lighter topics and the short blonde came back around.

"I was never quite sure why they decided to remaster the first one last," Pearl said.

"You always save the best for last, ain't that right Peri?"

"Obvioushly!" Peridot was quite drunk. "The remashter of Dark Souls needed to be the final one, get the crowd really hungry for it."

Pearl ripped the bong before passing it to Amethyst, "I suppose that's one way of looking at it, I think they just wanted to save us from having to deal with Frampt again for as long as possible."

"F-Frampt?!" Peridot hiccuped, "Why would you ever side with him? He's even worshe than Lautrec!"

Pearl raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her, "Kingseeker Frampt is trying to keep Lord Gwyn's will alive by stopping the spread of the undead. Hollowing is a fate far worse than death."

Peridot sniffed a line she quickly cut for herself. "If you take it at face value then yes, Frampt is the good guy. But what does rekindling the First Flame really achieve?" The short blonde stood up and began to pace, gesturing wildly. "Yes it stops the further spread of the undead and prolongs the Age of Fire. But as we all know, the fire always fades: in reality it's nothing more than a reset button. By linking the fire all that Frampt really achieves is forcing another undead to also link it, in what theoretically is a never ending cycle."

Amethyst chuckled to herself, but Pearl seemed to be really listening, taking mental notes almost.

Peridot continued, "The Darksign, the undead, the fire fading; it's all inevitable. Linking the fire is nothing more than a power play by Gwyn to keep his family in power for all eternity. On the other hand, Darkstalker Kaathe actually has humanity's best interest at heart. By not linking the flame and ushering in the Age of Dark he fulfills the will of the Furtive Pygmy. Though it would suck initially, eventually the undead would cease to exist because the flame would die out completely. The cycle of undeath would cease. That's why the canon ending of the the third game ends with the Ashen One not linking the fire, thereby stopping the vicious cycle Gwyn instilled."

Peridot stood before her friends, arms crossed and slightly out of breath. A little surprised she got through that as coherently as she did.

Pearl looked absolutely dumbstruck, an image Peridot savored.

"My stars I had never really considered all of that. Kaathe always just seemed like such a bad guy."

"I mean choosing to side with the Abyss like he did, technically you're not wrong. But the path he stands for is, in theory, the right one."

"Fuck all that mumbo-jumbo," Amethyst interjected, "I'm in it to backstab noobs."

Pearl rolled her eyes, "I would have never guessed." Amethyst cheekily smiled.

Rant concluded, Peridot returned to her seat. Amethyst offered her a shot, but she refused. The way her head was floating told her she'd had enough of that. She didn't turn down weed though.

The day wore on, sunlight giving way to darkness. Conversation drifted from weather, politics, work, before landing on the subject Peridot would rather have avoided. Relationships. She gritted her teeth, it'd been a while since her last drink, now was as good a time as ever to start again.

Pearl burped behind her hand. "It's been a while since I've gotten this drunk."

Amethyst slammed a shot, "Feels good don't it?"

"It does," Pearl started, " So Amethyst, I haven't seen you drag anybody home from a party recently, did you finally find someone to stick with?"

Amethyst's face flushed with color, "Eh well, you could say that. I don't know how she feels but she totally puts all those other bozos to shame."

"Have you talked with her about it?"

She rubbed her neck, "Not directly, I feel like we've been skirting it ya know? I'm not sure how she feels about being in a relationship." Shifting uneasily she tried to divert the topic, "What about you Pearl? Any special ladies out there?"

"Actually there is," Amethyst perked up, "I've finally decided I need to move on from Rose, she made her choice and I need to make mine. Remember that party we went to like, 2 weeks ago?"

Both shorter girls nodded their heads.

"Well after we finished playing Beer Pong," she motioned to Amethyst, "On my way to get beer I ran into this girl I'd never seen before. We got to talking a bit and I got her number, I've been texting her but she's so mysterious! I hardly know anything about her, but this little game she plays is quite fun!"

It was subtle, and she hid it well, but nothing her friend did escaped Peridot. Amethyst's face dropped ever so slightly, the short blonde knew her heart had fallen to the pit of her stomach.

"W-well a toast then! To Pearl's mystery girl!" She poured Pearl a shot and turned to Peridot, bottle in hand, a look in her eye.

_Love sucks._

The short blonde grabbed her bottle of vodka and clinked it with Amethyst's rum.

_Doesn't it though._

Pearl didn't notice the exchange, opting to hit the bong instead.

"What about you Peridot?" Pearl asked as she blew out smoke.

She grabbed the plate and started fiddling with the coke on it. "Eh I'm not really in a mood to date anyone. Most of the clods I know aren't worth the time."

"Why not try going out and meeting some people? Or even online dating?"

Peridot couldn't get mad at Pearl, she didn't know the whole story.

"Peri's not really a people person ya know?" Amethyst chirped in, she knew this would be uncomfortable for her friend. "She's out here livin' that single life, she don't need no man, or woman rather, right Per?"

She didn't look up from the plate but solemnly nodded her head in agreement. Amethyst wasn't wrong, but there was much more to it than that.

"Well that's understandable, but it's too bad."

Interest piqued, Peridot looked at Pearl, "What do you mean too bad?"

Hesitantly Pearl started, "Well I know that you haven't always had the best luck in relationships. Believe me after Rose, I get the feeling I know somewhat of what you're going through."

Peridot adopted a quizzical expression, she'd never really considered that before. She and Pearl were two halves of the same coin, both had terrible relationship experiences, and neither really knew about the other.

"But I've been going to a therapist for a while now, and her best advice to me was to stop hiding. You don't need to go for anything super serious, but a journey of a thousand steps begins with one."

"Well text me her number. Maybe I'll talk to this therapist, no promises but I'll consider it."

"Actually that wasn't what I had in mind, but I'll do that regardless. What I was talking about it actually setting you up with someone."

Now it was Peridot's turn to be dumbfounded. All she could do was blink at Pearl.

"Oh don't worry! I haven't set you up on a date or anything!"

The short blonde breathed a sigh of relief.

"But, well this new girl started working at the restaurant with me, she's brand new in town. I think she just moved here, and I invited her to that party."

Peridot's gut clenched. Wait, was she considering this?

**_FUCKING DO IT._ **

"I-I, uh, well," her words failed her, her mind was a mess.

Pearl smiled, "No pressure Peri! I just thought I'd introduce you to the idea, she's gonna be there either way. I just thought I'd give you some advance warning."

Peridot looked to Amethyst, she hadn't seen this coming either, she simply shrugged.

What's the worst that could happen?

The short blonde's brain exploded.

**_OH MY GOD SO MUCH_ **

"You should stop by the restaurant, get a sneak preview."

"M-maybe," Peridot had finally gotten lines cut, she sucked up the thickest one hastily. "What's her name?"

"Lapis Lazuli."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There she is.
> 
> Also I'm a fuckin' Dark Souls addict. This remaster got me in too deep.


	6. Universal Reconnaissance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot gives in to Pearl's advice and meets her at work

Waiting. Easily the worst part of the job. Folding her arms across her chest she shivered. In the cosmic sense of things it really wasn't that cold outside, but when you were born and raised in a desert, anything below 60 was freezing. 4:45 AM the clock read. Another ten minutes was all he'd get, couldn't wait in this parking lot for too long. Not that the McDonald's crew cared, but she knew at least a few of them had noticed her. The phone next to her lit up.

Andrew: Crossing the street now.

Peridot sighed relief, finally. At the very least this stop synced up with her original plan anyway. Pulling her regular phone from her jacket pocket she thumbed to Pearl's last text.

Pearl: She's working the opening shift today. Come in a little after we open and sit in your usual spot, I'll point her out to you.

Her door opened, letting a fresh wave of chilling wind into her truck, clenching her teeth she hissed against the offense. A man slid into the seat next to her, rubbing his hands together feverishly after shutting the door.

"Fuck it's cold today!"

Idle banter, customer service, she did what she had to. "Yeah, the Sun needs to hurry up."

"No kiddin', you said 560 right?"

"Precisely, 20 extra for delivery."

The man grinned, "For your shit I'll gladly pay it."

He pulled neatly folded bills from his pocket and handed them to the blonde. Payment received, she motioned to the cup-holder in front of the shifter which contained two items, a bag of his purchase and a small vial. "I even brought a little sample, this is a new batch and it's fairly potent," she uttered plainly, counting the cash. A cheap tactic but everyone liked it. Eyes shining like a kid on Christmas morning, the man took the little vial and twisted the top off. He threw his head back emptying the container up his nose, Peridot slightly shook her head, so much for discrepancy.

"America's coffee! Fuckin' hell you ain't lyin'," the way he eyed the bag you'd have thought it contained the meaning of life.

Peridot finished counting, everything was correct. "Alright bro, we're all good to go."

"Cool cool, I'll hit you up when I need more," he threw her the peace sign as he exited the vehicle.

She only nodded after him. Reaching across the truck she opened the glove box and stashed the cash in a fake bottom, always covering her bases just in case. Strapping her seat-belt on, she pulled out of the parking lot, maneuvering into the first neighborhood she could.

"Now listen here," Peridot spoke to her truck, it understood her, "I'm not going to spy on this girl, I'm simply getting breakfast."

Her hands trembled slightly, nerves, that's all it was. Wait, why was she nervous about getting food?

"I'm not even ready to date," her truck only hummed in response. "Oh don't give me that! I know it's been a while but I'm still too fucked up to even consider dragging someone else down with me. Besides, she's probably not even gay, and who would want me regardless?"

_Maybe it's time to stop hiding._

Pearl's therapist's wisdom. Admittedly, it might do her brain some good to have something else to dwell on. On the other hand, was she mentally prepared to actually commit to another? Was she even capable of pushing the redhead from her mind? She'd had a few flings, but eventually she always wound up comparing them to what she had before, to which they seemingly never stacked up. That wasn't fair though, each person is unique, seeking out the same traits in another wasn't healthy, that was just seeking replacement for what had been lost. Would she even be able to see this girl for who she was?

Back and forth she bickered, sometimes to her truck but mostly internally. Unconsciously, her hands guided her along an all too familiar path, she didn't even notice until she suddenly stopped, right in her usual parking spot. The restaurant sat before her, a group of regulars huddled by the front door.

Peridot put her head against the steering wheel. "Well fuck me right?"

Light flashed before her, the neon sign above the entrance lit up. _Universal Flavor_. Greg and his last name, she swore if it was a woman he'd make love to it. Glancing up she saw the people slowly shuffling inside, opening time.

The immortal words of Shia Lebeouf crashed into her subconscious.

_Don't let your dreams be dreams._

Groaning, she removed the keys from the ignition and stepped out. Immediately zipping up her hoodie, she turned to look into the window, which gave off a vague reflection. Her hair stood messy as ever, she thought about trying to smooth it out, like that would do any good. Willing her legs to move proved to be just as fruitful, as if standing on this precipice of knowing and not was so much better.

_Yes you can! Just, DO IT!_

Thanks, Actual Cannibal Shia Lebeouf. Mustering the courage, she trudged forward. Human interaction, food, and possibly a cute girl awaited her. Best not keep them waiting.

Crossing the threshold she was greeted with warmth, the cozy little place already buzzing with life. Peridot walked straight to her usual booth at the back, avoiding as much eye contact as possible. Sequestered away as much as space allowed, the joint wasn't exactly spacious. It held around 15-20 tables, the "kitchen" (if you could call it that) was just a grill and a warming station placed right next to the bar which ran the length of the right half of the building. The gathering place of old men, come to reminisce of their glory days and drink coffee. The egg-white walls were covered in memorabilia of music throughout the ages, along with sports teams Peridot couldn't be bothered to care about.

Greg, the owner, a middle-aged man, stood behind the grill arguing with his assistant cook, Ronaldo, more than likely about some far-fetched conspiracy theory. His bald spot glistened under the florescent lights, the remainder of his long brown hair matted against his neck. Quite the contrast to his younger cohort, whose practically straw-yellow hair reminded Peridot of French Fries protruding from the top of a container.

Catching her eyes, the older man gave a wave, which she meekly returned. She'd known the Universes for quite a number of years, first hitting it off with Greg's son Steven. He'd helped her out of quite a tough spot, practically insisting until she didn't even have a say about it. They'd developed quite the friendship out of it though, so she couldn't be upset about it.

Patiently she waited for service, drawing her phone from her jacket. Memes, the perfect way to pass the time, they spoke to her soul. Future generations would study memes as a way of understanding culture, picturing the explanations made the blonde giddy beyond all reason. A history book having to detail a level 7 meme, memes within memes within memes about memes. Fucking mind-boggling.

Without looking up, Peridot noticed someone approach her table.

"Hey Pearl, I'm-"

"Oh sorry, Pearl has the day off." An unfamiliar voice.

But Pearl specifically said she'd be here today. What gave?

"I'm Lapis, better than Pearl! I'll be helping you today."

Peridot froze. That absolute clod. She'd been fooled, tricked, shmeckledorfed. That wasn't even a word but her mind agreed regardless.

Turning her head, she faced destiny with the coolest face she could manage, which worked for all of 2 seconds. Lapis was about as tall as Pearl, slender but with a little more meat on her bones. The blue jeans she wore hugged her body tightly, as did her dark blue polo giving the appearance of a body suit. Her tanned skin was impeccable, like something straight off a Hollywood movie set. Those cerulean eyes stared straight into Peridot's soul, framed with a sea-green eye-shadow. All surrounded by shockingly blue hair, hanging down to her shoulders.

She stared too long, not that she could help it.

Lapis smirked, "See something you like, stranger?"

Still wearing her jacket, Peridot was sure she'd combust. Didn't seem like such a bad way to go. She shook her head and attempted to speak.

"Uh, s-some water... please," she croaked out, her mouth was the Sahara.

"No problem short-stuff," Lapis danced off.

Peridot's mind exploded. This girl, no, angel, was beyond comprehension, there was no way she was going to survive. This was her last meal, complete with her favorite foods. The blonde shed her jacket, attempting to gain some semblance of her bearings.

_DAMN YOU PEARL._

Except, not really? Clearly the woman did have great taste. Peridot was sure she'd begin to float for all the butterflies in her stomach.

So lost in thought was she that the simple _thud_ of a glass being set down caused her to jump, earning a snicker from the tall girl.

"So you must come here a lot if you know Pearl on such a passing basis," Lapis started.

"I'm regular," Peridot fumbled, "I mean, well what I meant to say.."

_HOLY SHIT GET IT TOGETHER_

The blonde blew out a breath she didn't realize she held, "I've known Pearl for quite a while, even outside of this place. But to answer your question, yes I do come here a lot."

Lapis drew a notepad and a pen from her back pocket, "I take it you know what ya want then?"

"Uh, yeah I'll have the biscuits and gravy. Oh and a side of bacon."

"I'll be right back with that then," the girl winked as she strolled towards the kitchen.

Peridot's heart fluttered. Was that customer service? Was that actually directed at her? She still didn't know her sexual orientation. A million questions and situations raced through her head. In what felt like an instant, food was placed before her, completely derailing her train of thought.

"I'll be back in a few to check on you hun," Lapis' sweet voice melted like butter in Peridot's ears. Pepper, gravy, and bacon brought her back to her senses. Tucking into the food, she was reminded of the fonder memories she carried about her father. Scooping excess gravy with her bacon, she savored the whole affair. Distracted from her current plight.

For a moment anyway.

Lapis plopped down into the booth opposite her. Quite informal for someone on the job, was she allowed to do this? Why was she, possibly, taking this risk? This was supposed to be a simple mission of intelligence gathering, Peridot was not equipped for this. Small talk? On the fly?

_Time to nut up or shut up._

The server eagerly eyed Peridot's food, "You know I don't think I've ever had biscuits and gravy, wasn't real big back home."

"Never?" her eyes widened, "Well, would you like to?"

Lapis nodded her head and snatched the fork right out of the blonde's hand. She didn't know what to make of this girl as the other took a huge chunk out of a biscuit.

"I can't believe I've missed out on this my whole life," Lapis said after swallowing, her face brightening with delight.

"Well you do have the honor of eating from the master of gravy," Peridot motioned to Greg, "Man makes the best gravy in the whole city."

Lapis returned the fork, "Well I wouldn't know anything about that. I've only lived here a couple weeks, you sound like seasoned veteran though."

Peridot puffed out her chest, resting her fists on her hips, "Born and raised in this great city. Most people think Tucson sucks but it's the little stuff that really makes it great."

"Maybe you can give me the grand tour sometime."

Words stuck in her throat, she reached for the water and gulped greedily, begging her throat to unclench.

"Uh yeah, no problem...uhm," stars she'd already forgotten this girl's name.

"Lapis Lazuli, like the gemstone. Miss..?" The girl extended her arm forward.

"I am the Great and Lovable Peridot!" There was that cheeky charm, finally rallying to her cause. She took Lapis' hand in her own, the girl's skin was smoother than Jazz.

"Great and Lovable huh?" The server giggled as she stood up, "Guess I better get back to work, but maybe I'll see you around?"

"As long as you continue your employment here, we will undoubtedly meet again." Great, now she'd found her voice.

Lapis placed the check on the table before prancing off to other tables, shooting Peridot a small wave as she did. The blonde took about a thousand mental images of the sight, this girl was beyond attractive. Slowly, she returned to her food, unfortunately she couldn't be here all day. Her thoughts drifted to the chewing out she was going to give Pearl, but after the last 20 minutes, she figured she'd let it slide. Devious as her plan was, Peridot gave her the credit of it working.

Sopping up the last bit of gravy with biscuit the blonde sighed contentedly. Donning her hoodie and pulling out her wallet, she reached for the check. Abject horror painted her face, she knew the economy was bad but these prices were monstrous!

_But, wait a minute._

_That's not a total..._

Peridot's eyes filled with all the stars the galaxy had.

That was in fact, a phone number.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Devious Pearl is best Pearl

**Author's Note:**

> The bolded and italicized thoughts are the voice that leads Peridot currently.


End file.
